A month or so ago I was talking with our midwife friend and we were talking about my health and potential concerns.  As I mentioned some of the things I was experiencing, I could tell she was processing it all trying to think of what could be wrong.  After a few minutes, she told me what she was thinking.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

Again.

Apparently PCOS can spring up very quickly…so even though I came out clear 6 months ago…that doesn’t mean that I am clear now.

When Michael and I got married, I had to switch doctors once again in order to be covered by Michael’s insurance.  So I knew I would be starting another round of doctor’s visits with a new doctor.

Bleh.

I didn’t panic this time.  I had learned a lot of lessons last time, by God’s grace.  I knew that worrying would do no good.  I knew that I needed to just trust God and take it step by step.  I decided that this time I wouldn’t do any internet “research” as oftentimes that scares me more than anything.  (And the internet isn’t always reliable…even medical articles don’t know exactly what your personal symptoms are.)  Last time I waited on doctors I struggled to just stay in step with God’s timing and not run ahead and try to figure out what was going on.  This time I decided again that I needed to just take it one step at a time.  Make the doctor appointment.  Don’t worry about what she might say.  When she’s talking to me, listen to what she’s saying, don’t try to run ahead.  When she prescribes a test, just stay calm, go through the procedure, and take the results as they come.

I knew it would do no good to worry about “the next step.”

Even though I didn’t panic, that doesn’t mean that my heart was unaffected.  I felt silly having emotional responses, because of course we “didn’t know” if I had PCOS or not.  But I learned that it’s not necessarily wrong to go through an emotional process during the “uncertain stage”…as long as through each step, you are taking it all to God and relying on Him.

I didn’t panic.  I didn’t stress out.  But there was just the constant reminder that…I was going through the process again to see if I had PCOS.  I praise God for His strength and peace.  I knew that if I had PCOS I would definitely be an emotional basket case at least for a while…but I also knew that God would be right there.  I knew that it would come from His hand.  I knew that my husband loved me.

As much as I didn’t worry (compared to last time!), I was just very aware of the possibilities.  I thank God for His patience.  I know that no worry is good….and I am so thankful for how much He did keep me from worry and panic.

If you saw my post with some verses from Matthew, it was related to this.  As I was doing my Bible reading the day before my appointment and really just trying to release my “control” to God, I came across those verses.  It just hit me that I needed to lay down my plans…lay down my God-given desire to have children…so that I can pursue His plans.  What profit would there be if I gained the whole world (which to me at that moment was having children) and yet lost my soul…stopped following Him…ignored His greater plans?

I can’t trust God by saying, “Okay, God, I know you’re in control, but I think I’ll help out just a little and hold onto just this one part.”  That doesn’t work.  It’s complete surrender.  It’s walking with God even if it means walking in the completely opposite direction of your plans, dreams, or desires.

And so once again…doctor tests.  I went a couple weeks ago to my appointment.  As of right now, it looks like we are once again free and clear from PCOS.  I was almost floating on cloud 9.  Praise the Lord.  We are still looking at various doctor appointments and visits and procedures to take care of the problem….but it looks like the problem is a lot less….scary.

Lindsay, The Walton Wife, posted an excellent post that I read after I got home from my appointment.  I love her honesty and transparency.  And it’s a message I needed to hear.

Why do I share, in such lengthy, drawn-out blog posts, about my recent medical history?  Because I have been doing some deep thinking on some things, and have some thoughts to share………so…stay tuned for Part 3.  :)

-Bonnie

God has certainly been taking me on a medical journey over the past two years.  During that time, I have undergone two CT scans, three blood panels, two ultrasounds, two x-rays, one round of allergy testing (yes, the one where they prick your back 30 times), a couple antibiotics, at least a dozen doctor visits, and visits to specialists.

About nine months ago I switched to a new doctor.  After poking, prodding, analyzing, and discussing, she told me she was concerned that I might have cancer.  She wasn’t ready to say that it “probably” was cancer…but she also couldn’t honestly say that there was no way it was cancer.  So I went in for another CT scan.  During this batch of tests, I was remarkably calm.  Sure, I wouldn’t want to have cancer.  Sure, it would be a horribly difficult time.  But…it would be okay.  I knew I was in God’s hands and that He was in control.  Most of my concern and worry was for Michael.  I was concerned about how he would take it…and of course if it ended up being terminal and I died, I was concerned about what would happen to him.

But I was generally calm and at peace about myself.  God helped teach me about life.  I know it sounds cliche to think about how short life is and everything, but it’s true.  It’s like God just reminded me how much I have in life and I was just so grateful for all He had given me.  Even if I did have cancer and it were terminal…I could still live my life with a passion.  I was reminded to not take daily “real-life” moments for granted.

Well, praise the Lord, the tests came back clear.  No clumps of swollen lymph nodes and no cause for concern with my white blood cells.

So then I was called back into the doctor’s office to discuss the next concern she had for my health.

Polycystic Ovaries.

Trying not to panic at the mere mention of the Syndrome, I listened to her describe it and my symptoms and what we should do from there.

I had to make an appointment for another test to determine if I really had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  It was probably about a week before I got in for the test…and then I had to wait a couple days for the results.

During this time….I freaked out.  A blogger I have been praying for over the past few years has PCOS…..she and her husband have been trying for five years to get pregnant and they are unable to.

Of course, the doctor assured me that even if I had it, that didn’t necessarily mean that I would have difficulty getting pregnant.  But, still.  There was the possibility.

Interesting how calm I was about cancer…but when a question about my fertility came up…I panicked.

I realized how very badly I wanted children.  To excitedly look down at that pregnancy test with my husband and scream in joy when we saw the positive sign.  To come up with some clever way to share the news with our families.  To see my stomach getting bigger as our child was growing.  To feel him moving inside me.  To be able to nourish our baby throughout those nine months and after he was born.  To buy sweet baby clothes.  To take care of him all the time…getting up during the night, playing with him, bonding with him, taking care of him when he was sick, watching him giggle with joy.  To watch Michael be the amazing, wonderful Daddy I knew he would be.  To raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

Everywhere I went or looked there were babies.  I saw a commercial on TV advertising baby formula.  When we went out, I saw all these Moms on outings with their children.  I saw children and babies smiling and laughing.  My heart ached.  They all reminded me over and over again….you may not be able to have children.

One time I called my Mom literally in hysterics, just saying over and over, “I want to have a baby.  I want to have a baby.”

Several times God just brought me to my knees.  I had to really stop and release my desires to the Lord.  I prayed and acknowledged that my body is the Lord’s.  My desire to have children is the Lord’s.  My fertility is in the Lord’s hands.  He is the One Who opens and closes the womb.  I knew I had to just cling to what is true….I had to know, trust, and believe that God was in control even when things were out of my hands.  And I had to learn that in reality…things are always out of my hands.

And so, once again, I came to a place of peace.  I knew that it would all be okay because God would be walking beside me the whole way, even if I had PCOS…even if I had difficulty getting pregnant…even if I was completely unable to get pregnant.

Finally the results were in and I scurried over to the doctor to find out what was up.

All clear.

No clumps of cysts as would be expected with PCOS.

I cannot even tell you how unbelievably happy and thankful and excited I was.  Praise God.  Thank You, thank You, thank You Father!!

Part 2 coming soon

-Bonnie

When I signed up for the Blogging for Books program and saw the title Everything Romance, I was instantly intrigued.  The back cover states, “Romance is always in season when you’re in love.”  This book reminds couples that love and romance is for every day, not just Valentine’s Day or anniversaries.

“Everything Romance,” by Todd Hafer, is a compilation of love letters, love quotes, love stories, love facts, and more.  My favorite quote had to be the one from Dan P. Herod…”Love is like a tennis match; you’ll never win consistently until you learn to serve well.”  I enjoyed the trivia (did you know that the average couple spends about two weeks of their life kissing?), the real life love stories (like how Jack Benny made a provision in his will so that after his death,his wife, Mary, would receive red roses for the rest of her life), the date ideas (Drive-In movie theater…if only there were one close to us!), and the great list of things you can text your spouse during the day (“My favorite place to be is in your heart.”)

With all that, there were some elements that I did not like about the book.  Some of the quotes seemed to make love seem more flippant…or narcissistic.  In addition, some of the short stories were fictional accounts of love following a divorce.  I was concerned with the fact that divorce just seemed to be okay even though it was Christian fiction.

Overall, it was a cute, fun read for a person who loves romance.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

-Bonnie

I am trying to gain weight.  I’ve tried forcing myself to eat when the thought makes me nauseous, I’ve tried protein bars, protein shakes, eating constantly throughout the day….with mostly no results.

About a year or so ago I lost a bunch of weight.  Since my normal body weight (all my life) has been under the “average” weight for people my age, dropping significantly under even that is not the greatest.  Thankfully, I haven’t lost any more.  But I have also been unable to gain.

Enter My Fitness Pal.  My sweetheart was helping me look online for some tools to help track what I eat and figure out how to eat better to try to gain.

You do have to create a (free) account, but once you are registered, you enter your height, current weight, and weight goal.  You also can choose how much you want to gain (or lose) each week.  After that, you have a daily food diary where you put in what you ate and how many servings.  They then tell you how many calories, carbs, fat, and protein were in that food.  At the bottom is a total of what you have consumed so far and how many more you have to go that day.

On another tab is an exercise diary.  It is much the same, in that you enter what you did for exercise and for how long.  They then tell you how many calories you burned.

I only signed up on Saturday, but I am already very excited and impressed.  I hope this will help remind me to eat and exercise and that I will actually see results.  I have a very fast metabolism, so hopefully we will be able to accurately factor that in as well.

Anyway, if you are looking for a helpful source to keep you on track to gain or lose weight….so far I really recommend My Fitness Pal.  They do have apps for phones…which is very helpful when you are away from home and your computer.  You can still record your food!

My goal is to gain about eleven pounds to get back to my normal weight.  I entered that I would like to gain 1 1/2 pounds a week.  We’ll see how this goes over the next couple of months!

-Bonnie

We got our wedding pictures on Sunday!!!  I absolutely love them.  I had so much trouble deciding which ones to NOT put in an album on Facebook, but I somehow managed to narrow it down to my “favorites.”  Although, really, almost all of them are my favorite!  Here is one that is probably on my Top 10 Favorites list…

I just love the love in this picture.  I love my groom.  I love that we are married.  I love our life together.

-Bonnie

To see other Friday Favorites, visit Diary of a Stay at Home Mom.

Then Jesus said to His disciples,
“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself,
and take up his cross, and follow Me.

“For whoever desires to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

“For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world,
and loses his own soul?  Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

“For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father
with His angels, and then He will reward each
according to his works.”

Matthew 16:24-27

Pondering what it means to follow Him….

-Bonnie

I don’t remember the first time I saw these posts on
Diary of a Stay at Home Mom.   But I do remember
bookmarking it so that “someday” when I had my own home
I could do these posts, too!  I’m so excited to finally
have my own Happy Homemaker Monday post!  :D

The weather:
Wonderfully chilly and rainy!!  :D

On my reading pile:
Firefly Blue by Jake Thoene.  Only a couple chapters in
but so far it’s good!

On my TV:
The Lost and Found Family…watching while grading.  :)

On my menu for this week:
Fresh Tomato Pasta
Mini pizzas
Chicken Tortilla Soup

On my to do list:
Grade and make lesson plans for the Jr High Composition
class I teach on Wednesday.
Write thank-you notes.
Read.

What I am crocheting, knitting, sewing, or creating:
Nothing currently

Looking around the house:
I spy my massive pile of papers to grade (thankfully,
the pile IS shrinking…slowly but surely).  My book is lying
on my shelf and I look forward to being done with grading
and sitting down to read.  :)
It’s a little dark because I have my “blackout” curtains drawn..
and it’s a rainy day outside.  :)

From the camera:
This isn’t from today, but I thought I would post a fun
honeymoon picture.  :)

Something fun to share:
There’s a lot of one year anniversaries going on…
a year ago yesterday my cousin got engaged..and they have
almost been married six months now.
A year ago today, my sister Melinda first came in contact with
her husband of three months now.
So exciting!

On my prayer list:
A friend of ours with cancer.
Some friends who recently lost their
seven month old son.
Protection for my sweetheart while he’s driving
to school and work in the rain.

Bible verse, devotional:
Psalm 15:1-2, “Lord, who may abide in Your
tabernacle?  Who may dwell in Your holy
hill?  He who walks uprightly, and works righteousness,
and speaks the truth in his heart.”

-Bonnie

A while ago, we announced that we had put in for Columbus AFB, MS, as our first choice for Pilot Training.

Well, you don’t always get your #1 choice, but we are very excited to have been assigned to Laughlin AFB, Texas for our first base!

Our house will look identical to this.

Now we just have to finish school, get commissioned and then wait for our move dates. Right now…we are unsure of when we will actually be leaving California, but it should be sometime late 2012.

-Michael

I love candles!!!!  A lot!!

Our bathroom counter…

This is in our main room.  (Sorry about the flash.)
Eventually that shelf will probably have more than candles on it…
but in the meantime it is a great place to put candles!!

-Bonnie

I haven’t posted much at all about our wedding week or wedding day.  I’m waiting to get our pictures before I post a lot about that.  But I did want to write about the day before our wedding.

All I can say is..I am so, so blessed.

A couple weeks before our wedding, my friend Anastasia (who also happens to be the wife of the couple that Michael and I are renting from!) called me up and offered to host a spa day for her, myself, and my bridesmaids.  It sounded so fun and I quickly said yes!  And I am sooo thankful for that day!

Crystal was the lady who did the spa.  She was amazing.  She gave us warm socks, neck warmers, head massages, hand massages, and facials.  My favorite was definitely the head massage.  Oh my goodness.  It was amazing.

When she was ready to hand the neck warmer to the first girl, she gave the instructions that when you received the neck warmer, you could take a few minutes to offer some advice to the bride.  Then pass the neck warmer on to the next girl.

This was my first favorite part of the day.  What a blessing!  Not only were our necks comforted by the mantel of happiness (as we began to call the neck warmer), I was sooo blessed and encouraged by the advice my friends had.  Here is a sampling….

“Stay close to God.  Keep reading His Word and drawing near to Him.”

“When you get hurt by something your husband does, know that he cannot read your mind and he may not even realize he’s hurt you.  Keep in mind that he is not trying to hurt you.  He loves you.”

“Never say no.”

“Don’t blame him for things.”

“As much as you guarded your heart before and during your courtship…as much as you guarded your purity during your engagement….in the same way now you need to guard your words.”

Sooo good.

Later on Crystal came around and gave us hand massages.  At this point, we had just done our facials and we were lying with heads back and little cloths over our eyes.  As she came around and massaged each person’s hand, that was their cue to pray.  And they did.  We went around in a circle and prayed…for Michael and I.

I cannot even describe what a blessing that was.  To hear the love in those prayers as they prayed for our marriage, our attitudes, our hearts, and our love.  To feel the support and care of the most special women in my life.  To come before our heavenly Father on the day before the second greatest decision a person could possibly make (the first being salvation) and just pour out our hearts and desires for our marriage…an unbelievable blessing.

For a long time, I pretty much had my bridesmaids picked.  Yes, even before Michael and I were engaged.  After we were engaged and people asked how many bridesmaids I was having, I would answer and people would be shocked.

“Eight??  Wow, that’s going to be a big bridal party.”

It’s true.  Eight is a lot.  And when you add in Michael’s nine groomsmen, two flower girls, one ring bearer, one officiant, one bride, and one groom…that’s a pretty full stage!!

But when I stop and think about my wonderful bridesmaids…honestly how could I have had it any differently?  Each of these women is so incredibly special to me.  Each one has encouraged me and convicted me and been there for me.  And now I am so excited and blessed to be able to get to know Anastasia and Crystal.  They have such beautiful hearts for the Lord and their husbands.

SO thankful for these special people in my life!!

-Bonnie